Meeting our babies

We had our formal 16 week ultrasound Friday.  We were getting snow and ice that day...most snow Nashville has gotten in several years, so the roads were predicted to be really bad.  I was worried my 1pm appointment would get canceled.  But the office called that morning telling me they'd be closing the office early and they would like me to come in NOW if I could.  So I called my husband at work, and we both headed in.  It was a lot of fun.  And we were able to find out the sexes. 

We are having a BOY (Baby A) and a GIRL (Baby B).  We are thrilled.  We really did not want 2 girls.  (Sorry girl fans!)  So when the sonographer told us Baby A (baby closest to the cervix) was a boy, both my husband and I were thrilled. 

The reason they do a 16 week ultrasound w/ a multiple pregnancy is to check the length of the cervix.  My doula said 3-4 cm is normal.  Mine was 5cm, and Dr. Brown was very happy about that.  I really think he is starting to root for me!  A short cervix can be an early indicator of preterm labor, so the fact that mine is so thick, is really great news!

Because our babies are obviously fraternal, we do not need to worry about TTTS (Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome), which can cause problems.

Baby A (the boy)'s placenta does not appear to be over the cervix.  I was so thrilled about this one, because a low lying placenta over the cervix is a definite c-section. 

The babies are growing at the same rate and measuring 16.5 weeks.  Right on schedule!  Yes!

Heartbeats were great.  The boy's was 158 and the girls was 167.  So that nulls the theory of boys having a higher heart rate.

The ONLY blurb of our results was that the boy has a cyst in his brain.  This can be an indicator of Down's Syndrome, but the sonographer said because there are no other markers present, there really is no need to worry.  She said these cysts generally go away in the 3rd trimester.  And that all the limbs are normal length, and the kidneys looked good as well.  Dr. Brown didn't seem concerned in the least either.  The sonographer actually said she wishes she was not required to tell parents about these cysts, because they almost always go away, and just cause parents to worry.

So all in all, a wonderful report!  Poor little boy is squished though!  :)  The little girl wiggled her rear-end at us the very first time she got the spotlight.  It was hilarious.  She was just shaking it back and forth!  She was doing flips for us too.  She was head down, and while on the screen flipped around breech!  She's going to be a firecracker!

Water, Water Everywhere!

I thought all the food I was supposed to eat was bad.  That's nothing compared to the water I am supposed to drink.  1-2 gallons?  I am lucky if I make a gallon.  I wish I could drink more, because I AM thirsty all the time. 

Add all this water to a pregnant woman's bladder.  Not fun.  I am currently looking out for a HUGE sale on toilet paper!  Sometimes it seems like I wash my hands only to immediately got back to pee some more.  Not fun!  It's tough at night especially.  Because I'm always waking up thirsty, I try to drink a bunch before bed, but then that only keeps me from falling asleep some nights because I am constantly having to go!  Ugh. 

So, since becoming pregnant, I have only had a few sips of soda, and that was when I was craving a taste of coke.  I took a sip of my husbands can.  I've been told, "Ahhh, a coke won't hurt you!"  But it would be so counterproductive for my thirst, I don't want to drink one.  I drink a glass of juice w/ breakfast, water all day long, and milk or soy milk w/ dinner, followed by more water.  This will probably be very good for me past the pregnancy as well, because I'll need to continue hydrating myself to breastfeed two babies!

Time to Chow!

A woman carrying two babies, I have been told, should be eating 3500 calories.  Say what?  This has been difficult, and to be honest, I don't know if I am eating that much.  I do know that I am eating all the time.  breakfast, morning snack, lunch #1, dessert, lunch #2, afternoon snack, dinner #1, and dinner #2.  The bulk of this is supposed to be complex carbs and protein.  It's a good thing I like peanut butter!

I have had a hard time maintaining my weight over the last year or more while breastfeeding my son.  I gained 40 pounds with my pregnancy with him.  And lost 50, and that was with drinking Ensures to help me not lose anymore.  So when I went to my second MD appt, I was thrilled to see I had gain weight.  And the doctor said it looked like they were growing well.  What a relief!

Basically, everything I eat, I add something to it.  And I try to eat as healthy as possible.  So a salad is not just some greens w/ dressing.  No, it is greens, chicken, tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, strawberries, and almonds.  Ice cream is usually my dessert for the day.  I always add peanut butter to it.  My fruit smoothies I have about every other day also contain greek yogurt (more protein than reg. yogurt), granola, and spinach.  If I have some silken tofu, I will add that too.  Smoothies are a great way to get a ton of those complex carbs!  My son loves them too, so it's a great PM snack after his nap for both of us.   Per my doula recommendations, I am also drinking 1 regular Ensure a day.  She said it is really hard for a busy mom to get all the nutrients they need, especially the protein, to go full-term with twins.  This was not a big deal for me, as I was used to drinking them while I was struggling to maintain my weight while breastfeeding my oldest. 

The hardest part of eating is not the eating part.  It's the preparing part.  It seems like all I do is prepare food.  After getting done dinner #1, we get DS ready for bed.  After he's in bed, I would love to go to bed too, but I know I will wake up starving if I don't, so I need to eat dinner #2.  I take either a nutrigrain or Larabar to bed to eat in the middle of the night.

Meeting the Doula

We finally met our doula the week after Christmas.  She came highly recommended from a friend who had a pitocin induced labor.  She delivered a 10 lb baby without pain medication.  Mary Anne (www.tender-beginnings.com/) is a homebirth midwife who also serves as a doula for clients wishing to deliver in a hospital.  She is also an RN and has much experience with twin births.

When Mary Anne came to our house for a consultation, I immediately knew she was the one.  She had such a calm about her.  She was direct with information she had for us.  She didn't sugar coat things, she was realistic. And to top it off, she made my husband comfortable.  An added bonus was that she is not only a doula, but a monitrice.  This means if I go into labor on my own, she can actually monitor the baby and me at the home, and help us decide when is a good time to go to the hospital.  That service could have made all the difference in the birth of my son, as I had a long, long labor with him.  With this multiple pregnancy, as soon as I get to the hospital, I will lose much freedom of movement, as the babies and myself will be required to be 100% monitored. 

It was a tough decision to get a doula at all.  With the c-section risk much higher for me, I was torn as to whether to "waste" the money for a doula, when that money could be used toward baby supplies.  But after discussing with other moms, she will be helpful not just in delivery, but the entire pregnancy.  And in the case of a c-section, she can be with me in the aftermath, while my husband stays with the babies.  She has already proven to be a big asset.  She has given me really good diet information and advice.  And when I told her about an upcoming ultrasound, she gave me a list of questions to ask about the babies.  The knowledge she has is vast, and she is much more accessible than an ob/gyn for questions.  And she can give me all sides of the medical story, to help me and my husband make an informed decision about OUR birth.

Making this decision was huge for me.  I felt so good after deciding on our doula.  I was beginning to resent my babies less and less.  I now looked at them as something to conquer.  I am so looking forward to the opportunity to bring them into this world.

Baby A:  please be head down!

Time to Wean My Son :(

I had planned to wean my son when he was two.  His birthday was in January.  Nursing was getting harder and harder.  My milk was drying up, and it was starting to hurt.  It was time.  It thankfully was not that hard.  I started taking out the nap nursing session as soon as we got back from our Thanksgiving trip.  He had very little issues with it.  I sat with him on the floor and we read stories for 10 minutes.  I then put him in his crib.  He fussed for a little, but hardly anything.  What a RELIEF!  We did this for a couple of weeks before implementing night time weaning.  It went just as smoothly.  My husband took over the stories, and I will say...after TWO YEARS of putting our son to bed, it was nice to just sit on the couch by myself.  After night was fully done, I took a last nap time nursing session, so DS and I could have one last time alone together.  You never forget the first time they latch, but I heard you generally forget the last....I didn't want that, so I wrote him a letter.  I'm so glad I did, because I already would have forgotten the weather that day.

Oh my sweet DS,

Today was your last time nursing.  It is January 4, 2010.  It is cold and sunny w/ some snow spitting in the air.  (high of 27 and low of 7 degrees.) You made it 2 years!  I could not be more proud of you, DS.  I am so thankful for our special relationship.  I remember how thrilled I was when you first latched and started sucking w/ those weak jaws just minutes after you were born.  You chomped.  I was in awe.  Today, it was so hard for me to break your latch once you had fallen asleep for your nap.  I kissed your hand and said “I love you DS, and I love your Daddy,” just as I had done every nursing session we’ve had over the last two years.  I remember nursing you in the glider when you barely fit in my arms, thinking that someday your legs will be hanging over the arms of the chair.  That came quickly.  December 26, 2009 we had planned for your last time nursing for bed.  (You were down to just that 1 feeding).  But you had other ideas.  You spent the night at Gammie and O’Pa’s on the 27th.  Daddy put you to bed successfully on the 28th.  But on the 29th…you were very upset after Daddy put you to bed, so we nursed together again that night.  I wondered if it was the last time.  It wasn’t.  You woke up from your nap on New Year’s Eve distraught.  So I nursed you.  You stayed on forever and didn’t want off.  We finally put in some Thomas the Train videos (Your favorite!), and you came off to watch that.  Was this the last time?  It could have been, but I wanted a last nursing just the two of us for your naptime so I could have you fall asleep in my arms one last time.  That was today.  You are such a special little boy…so happy and kind.  I look forward to all the wonderful adventures we will share together.  You’re a big boy now…you will make an amazing big brother.  Mommy loves you with all her heart.

Love,

Mommy  (Mo-mee)

PS:  I nursed you 2 days later on Wednesday for your nap.  You were sick and the day prior you didn’t nap, so I wanted you to get some good rest.  I nursed you on Sunday as well, when you woke up from your nap upset.  That was the last time…just shy of your second birthday.  What a BIG BOY!

I still cannot sit in the glider with my son.  He will immediately lie down to nurse.  Such a sweet little boy he is.

Oh the exhaustion!

Oh my!  December was filled with complete exhaustion.  With my first pregnancy I had what I thought was exhaustion.  Oh no, that was not exhaustion.  I could have never fathomed how tired I would be, without experiencing it first hand. There were days where I woke up at 7am, only to fight falling asleep on the couch at 9am.  Thankfully, I am a SAHM.  Otherwise I would have been falling asleep at work.

I wanted to do NOTHING.  Getting up to go to the bathroom only sent me back to the couch to rest for another 30 minutes before I could sit.  It was really that bad.  My poor son, his days were filled with watching Thomas the Tank Engine for hours.  It was nice when his grandparents took him to play outside.  I just could not...I felt guilty.  I've always been a firm believer in outside time.

My exhaustion was frustrating for my husband, and understandably so.  Here I was home all day, with absolutely nothing to show for it but dishes all over the counter, the house a complete mess, and no dinner cooked.  He's gone from the house generally from 7am-7pm.  So after working hard all day, he had to come home and work some more to keep up the house.  I could tell he was frustrated, but he was good about it.

My husband did all the Christmas decorating.  I remember waking up from a nap with the entire tree up and decorated.  And no one received Christmas cards from us this year...I wasn't doing anything.

Another frustrating thing was that everyone was asking how I was feeling.  And they all thought it was wonderful that I was not having any morning sickness.  (I AM very thankful and lucky for that.  I had none.)  But they seemed to care less that I barely could walk to the kitchen to get something to eat without having to take an hour nap.  Because I was not physically sick, I must be doing well, right?  Ummmm no!  I feel miserable!  Oh so thankfully, that extreme exhaustion only lasted about a month.

Meeting Dr. Brown

So I met Dr. Brown December 17th.  I didn't have to wait for him at all.  He was calm and relaxed.  I like that.  He came in, sat down, leaned back in his chair, smiled, and asked "OK, what are your questions?"  He acted like there was nothing else on his mind, but listening to me.  He said he saw in my chart I was coming from the midwives, and assured me that so long as Baby A was head down, I could deliver these babies vaginally and I would not be required to have an epidural.  (He did tell me that no doctor in the Nashville area would deliver vaginally w/ a breech Baby A.)  He also assured me that all the doctors in his practice were very comfortable with delivering a breech Baby B vaginally, but added that for the most part they all deliver their own babies.

He also was comfortable with monitoring my thyroid (I've had lots of hyperthyroid issues in the past.)  That is nice, knowing that I don't have to add more doctor appointments to my schedule.  Since this is a multiple pregnancy I have to go every 2 weeks, not every month.

After we talked, he quickly looked at the babies thru ultrasound.  They already, at 10 weeks, were moving around quite a bit.  It made me feel guilty about wanting them to miscarry.  I now want to make myself as healthy as possible, because they are here to stay, and they're depending on their mommy.

I left the office feeling really good.  A nice change.  Now I needed to decide on a doula!

Hoping for the Worst, Planning for the Best

I was so upset to be having twins in the two weeks after finding out the news.  What made it worse, is that everyone else was so excited.  I would make comments about how awful the first years will be, and everyone told me to stop saying that stuff.  I wasn't allowed to feel what I was feeling.  It was wrong of me.

For about two weeks I secretly hoped for a miscarriage.  Every time I went to the bathroom, I was disappointed not to see any blood in my underwear.  How awful.  How horrific!  Here I was "blessed" w/ babies; so many other women would die to have, and I wanted them to go away.

And ohhh, everyone telling me how wonderful it will be just irritated the hell out of me.  I just wanted to scream and tell everyone to shut-up.

Traveling up to Maine to see my family over Thanksgiving, we saw a couple on the highway w/ a "Just Married" sign.  I said, "Yea, everything is wonderful now....Just wait 5 years and you'll be pregnanct with twins!"

While I was not happy about this pregnancy, I needed to get my act in gear to prepare for it.  I had a consultation with my midwife to discuss the pregnancy.  She gave me lots of advice and encouragement.  But also set in the reality that I needed to let things go a little.  She recommended Dr. Brown, with whom she and her practice used to work closely.  A doula I had spoken to also had good things to say about Dr. Brown, adding he would give me as natural of a birth as possible.  This made me relieved...my provider had been decided on.

A Change in Plans

I had big plans for this pregnancy.  I had hoped to have an unmedicated birth with my son 2 years ago.  I went 30 hours of natural labor, before exhaustion got the best of me.  I agreed to pitocin and the epidural, so I could get some sleep.  So for two years I have thought...no no no...I have obsessed with how I would do things differently with my next pregnancy.  This was my last chance, as we only wanted 2 children.

I switched to the Vanderbilt Midwives practice for this pregnancy.  I loved my first doctor, but felt having a midwife would help me w/ natural birth.  I also planned to get a doula, and use hypnobabies this time around as well.  I was planning to do everything to help me succeed.

When I called my midwife's office to tell them I was having twins, I was slammed with the news that they are not allowed to deliver multiple births.  It was like getting stabbed in the gut.  I would now have to have an ob/gyn.  After doing some research it looked like I had about a 50/50 chance of having them vaginally, let alone naturally!  This put me in somewhat of a small depression.  Everything I was hoping for is in jeopardy.  I started resenting these babies.  They were ruining everything!

Getting the News

I got the news I was pregnant with twins Tuesday, November 17, 2009. I was a little over 6 weeks pregnant. I was taking part in a pregnancy study which gave me the 6 week ultrasound. Because I was told they would not tell me anything, my husband did not go. So when the sonographer said "I see two sacs," my reaction was "Oh, shit...twins?" A million things flew threw my mind including:

• we only have 3 bedrooms.
• we only wanted 2 kids.
• my husband is going to be upset.
• my poor son is not going to have the attention he deserves.
• how will I breastfeed 2 babies?
  
• my hopes for natural birth is probably out the window.

The ultrasound was done and the sonographer asked "Everything looks fine, can I tell you anything more?" I said "No, No, you've told me enough." After getting DS into the car, I immediately called my husband. He was in a meeting and got his voicemail. I hung up and called again - still voicemail. As soon as I hung up to try again he called me. I didn't even say "Hello" I just blurted out "We're having twins," and began to cry a little. He was stunned, and later told me he was useless at work the rest of the day. When he came home, he just walked around looking at the house. Our perfect house wasn't looking so perfect now.

I cried most of that day and pretty much every day for the next week. My husband was much more open to the thought. Me...I didn't want them.