A Change in Plans

I had big plans for this pregnancy.  I had hoped to have an unmedicated birth with my son 2 years ago.  I went 30 hours of natural labor, before exhaustion got the best of me.  I agreed to pitocin and the epidural, so I could get some sleep.  So for two years I have thought...no no no...I have obsessed with how I would do things differently with my next pregnancy.  This was my last chance, as we only wanted 2 children.

I switched to the Vanderbilt Midwives practice for this pregnancy.  I loved my first doctor, but felt having a midwife would help me w/ natural birth.  I also planned to get a doula, and use hypnobabies this time around as well.  I was planning to do everything to help me succeed.

When I called my midwife's office to tell them I was having twins, I was slammed with the news that they are not allowed to deliver multiple births.  It was like getting stabbed in the gut.  I would now have to have an ob/gyn.  After doing some research it looked like I had about a 50/50 chance of having them vaginally, let alone naturally!  This put me in somewhat of a small depression.  Everything I was hoping for is in jeopardy.  I started resenting these babies.  They were ruining everything!